Jace Reviews Christmas Movies
by KissingFire
Summary: After realizing Jace has never celebrated Christmas before, Clary takes it upon herself to give him the full experience. Even if it means listening to him make Santa into a pedophile, and Frosty the Snowman into a pothead. Christmas oneshot.


_Eww. I suck. :(_

_I've been "gone" for, like, what, a month now? *facepalm* I fail at life. I promise I haven't forgotten you guys or **Crazy **or **Climbing Across Monkey ****Bars**, I promise. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, Rudolf, Frosty the Snowman, A Christmas Carol, or The Little Drummer Boy. All belong to their rightful owners. _

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><p>Jace Reviews Christmas Movies<p>

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"You've never _celebrated Christmas?" _Clary gawked at her boyfriend, who was bent over the wide metallic table in the weapons room, his fingers stroking and dancing over his _stele, _which had failed him in creating a healing rune earlier that day when his arm had been crushed beneath a caved-in ceiling.

Jace shook his head, looking up for a split second at her. "No," he said, giving her a "so-what?" look. "Shadowhunters don't celebrate Christmas, Fray."

Clary blinked at him. "But that's ridiculous," she spluttered. "Christmas is all about angels, and Jesus, and God and stuff, Shadowhunters are all about that, right?"

Jace shrugged. "I thought Christmas was about presents, that's what Simon told me." He went back to work on his _stele. _

"Simon doesn't even celebrate Christmas! He's Jewish." Clary crossed her arms.'

Jace didn't look at her, his brows beginning to draw together in frustration as the wand-like instrument in his hands flickered, then died. "Then go harass the Jewish bloodsucker about not celebrating Christmas, cutie." He tapped the _stele. _"What the hell...?"

Clary sighed. "Why don't you celebrate Christmas at Luke's and my mom's house this year? You can spend Christmas Ever there, curled up by the fire, drinking eggnog..." she sighed dreamily.

Jace wrinkled his nose. "Eggnog? What the hell is that?"

Clary hummed. "It's delicious. Oh!" Her eyes brightened. "And we can watch Christmas movies." She smiled. "That's always my favorite part of Christmas. Watching movies like 'Rudolf' and 'Frosty the Snowman'..."

Jace had stopped what he was doing and was staring at her, aghast.

"Rudolf?" He shook his head. "Sounds like an STD."

Clary rolled her eyes. "Don't be such a humbug." She snapped her fingers. "A Christmas Carol! You'd love Scrooge."

Jace made a face. "Sounds like 'cootch'."

"If you spend the night..." Clary danced over to him and whispered in his ear.

"Hell yeah!" Jace snapped the _stele _in half.

"Damn."

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><p>Clary squealed excitedly, pushing Jace down on the couch, a cup of eggnog in his hand.<p>

"Okay, Rudolf's first!"

Jace blinked and stared at the Christmas tree that looked out of place in Luke's shabby living room, with all its lights and decorations. It was pretty, he had to admit. And the fire was cozy. And Clary looked freaking adorable in her candy-cane pajamas. And it was cute how uncharacteristically excited she got about the holidays.

Clary hopped onto his lap, grabbing the remote. "I present, Rudolf," she said.

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"Why in the hell is his nose red?"

"Jace, shut up."

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"Of course he was bullied! If a guy walks up to you with some red-ass Pinocchio nose, it's not like you're gonna be buddies..."

"Jace, you are totally missing the point of this movie."

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"Are there seriously a bunch of friggin' deer dragging the old fatass around the world on a sleigh? Is the industry trying to promote obesity to children?"

"Jace, that's Santa Claus you're calling a fatass."

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"Okay." Clary looked ready to pull her hair out by the end of 'Rudolf'. "Maybe you'll like 'Frosty the Snowman better."

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"I don't understand...there's a _snowman, _smoking a pipe full of God knows what, playing with a bunch of little kids?"

_"Oh my God, Jace." _

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"Are the kids high? I once saw a trashcan dancing and singing before, after I smoked a blunt at a Faerie party..."

"This is a _family movie!"_

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"This Santa guy knows everything, right? Why the hell does he need to watch kids sleep, though? Doesn't that make him sort of a pedophile?"

"Jace..."

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Clary popped in 'The Little Drummer Boy'.

"Keep your comments to yourself," she snapped, throwing herself on the couch, the opposite side of Jace. She looked pissed.

Jace didn't understand why. He was _trying _to get in the Christmas spirit.

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"Is that kid a hobo?"

"Jace, this was thousands of years ago. Everyone was practically a hobo."

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"I can play the drums better than that hobo."

"Jace, that's not what the movie's about."

"It's not a musical?"

"...Drink your damn eggnog."

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"Hey, cutie - "

"Shut up!"

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Clary refused to look at him as she put 'A Christmas Carol' inside of the DVD player.

"Baby, why don't we make a movie, instead of watching all these boring ass -" She whipped around, silencing him with a death glare.

Jace tried to coax her back on his lap, but she stubbornly ignored him.

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"Why are their two little kids under the dude's dress?"

"You are so negative."

"I'm serious! There're so many implications of necrophilia in almost all of these movies, it's kinda brainwashing, don't you think?"

"You just killed my childhood. And I'm not even a kid."

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"A crippled little boy. I saw one of those on the subway last week."

"You're going to hell."

"What? Why?"

"You're being mean about handicapped kids."

"What? - No, I was just saying - "

"You're getting coal in your stocking."

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"Is he dead or not?"

"Hush and watch."

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"That was weird," Jace remarked, as Clary tossed the DVD cases across the room. "I didn't realize mundanes celebrated such corrupt holidays."

Clary rolled her eyes, and grabbed her blanket off the couch, and sat down on the floor.

"What're you doing?" Jace whined, standing up and walking over to her. "Come back over here."

She ignored him, wrapping the blanket around her and curling on the carpet.

Jace sighed, and laid down next to her, wriggling under her blanket. His arm, warm and comforting, slid around her waist and pulled her against him.

She stiffened, wanting to be angry at him, but ended up melting into his embrace.

He kissed the back of her neck, rubbing his nose in her hair. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "Thank you for doing this for me, even though I've been a prick."

She sighed, turning over so that her back was facing the fire. "If you weren't a prick, then you wouldn't be Jace," she told him, rolling her eyes. "And you're welcome." She kissed the underside of his jaw sweetly, and turned back around, closing her eyes as the warmth from the fire washed over her.

They fell asleep, curled up on the floor in front of the fire.

Well, Clary did.

Jace stayed awake, because he wanted to catch the fatass when he came down the chimney and kick his ass for being a creepy pedophile. And then maybe wake his girl up to take her on a joy ride.

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><p><em>Review<em>.

_And Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays, if you don't celebrate Christmas. :)_


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